Pets

It's not that I don't like animals. Quite the contrary: I, unlike their owners, want to free them from this sadistic system I'm going to call the pet-industrial complex, where we spend huge amounts of time, money, and natural resources creating and perpetuating entire subspecies just so we can maintain the delusion that we are loved, when really we are just tyrannical but unavoidable sources of sustenance.

That's right folks, they don't love you. Your dog isn't smiling, your gerbil doesn't understand you, and your fish doesn't know when you've had a hard day. Pets are just slobbering, ephemeral, and more often than not miserable testaments to our utter alienation and disregard for the rest of the life on this planet.
Pugs, for example, have to be born by C-section. Because of our insatiable need for cute, helpless things we can oppress with no fear of reprisal, we've actually created a breed so feeble it can't even be born! If that isn't sick, please tell me what is.